I failed my child

I’ve debated on whether or not I was going to share this, but at the same time I want to be honest and open with everyone. Then I came to the realization that there are others in my shoes as well, maybe I can learn from you. My daughter, age 8, was diagnosed with depression and anxiety yesterday. After exhausting every option I could think of over the last year, I decided to turn to our doctor for help and guidance. I myself have battled this over half of my life, likely longer but it wasn’t until I was in middle school I actually got help for this. I feel like I failed her, is there more I could have done? Did I not do something, am I not doing enough? Should I have gotten her help sooner?

She is a beautiful, intelligent, kind little girl with big dreams of Harvard someday. She isn’t one to ever be unkind to others, yet finds it hard to find friends. We try to reassure her that having one best friend is better than ten fake friends, but it still deeply hurts her when someone doesn’t want to be her friend or she feels like they don’t want to be. I’m just not sure how to help her or be there for her. If anyone has any suggestions or is in a similar situation please feel free to reach out to me, if you prefer to do it privately you an email me at familynfaithblog@gmail.com

Thanks for being my ear to listen today, God Bless!

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It’s a beautiful morning

It’s a new week and I’ve decided I’m going to take on a new look at Monday. Yes I said that nasty word. My oldest child came down with the flu this morning and my knee is hurting me a lot today. Despite this, I refuse to be ungrateful for the day. It is so easy to look at the bad in your life and decide you’re having a bad day, month, year, life, ect. In truth, that is a very small part of your day or life. When you choose to look at your blessings instead, your outlook on your life will change. Hand your worries, your struggles and your pain over to God. Hit your knees and pray. A year ago if you would have asked me if I would be where I am today, I would have said not a chance.  My husband and I had filed for divorce, tension in our home was unbearable,  and our kids were miserable. It took a friend of ours forcing my husband into counseling, which I joined to help him, actually ended up saving our marriage. We were in the hands of a christian woman who wasn’t going to give up on us. At first it began with being assigned books to read, then it grew into us doing daily bible study together. Which grew into me beginning to blog so I could put what I was feeling into words. Eventually it grew into me writing my own scripture writing and bible studies, but most importantly it led to us finding a church to call home. During this journey I was led to branch out and start up my craft business, after a few months I have found my items that keep my order book full and it’s helped me to pay for Christmas this year. Christmas hasn’t been paid for with my paycheck in 8 years now (since our daughter was born). My husband also left the job he’s been at for several years, taking a few months off to stay home with us and help me get the business off the ground. Immediately after him leaving his job our marriage really shifted, he became more involved in our home and with the kids. He took a job doing what he loves and now we can’t imagine life any other way. It took a lot of praying, digging deep and soul searching, many tears, heart ache and more, but this past year I wouldn’t change for anything. I have my husband and best friend back, the man who I love to laugh with and spend every moment with. My kids are so happy and thriving, and they love going to Sunday School.  God doesn’t promise life will be easy, but he does promise he will be there with you through it all. As learned last week in the scripture writing, we are wonderfully made by a faithful God. We all have a special purpose, and we should be thankful under all circumstances.

This weeks Scripture Writing will be focused more on Moms.
December
10th- Galations 1:10
11th-Isaiah 40:30-31
12th- Proverbs 3:5-8
13th-1 John 3:1
14th- Matthew 5:44
15th- Matthew 5:16
16th-Deuteronomy 6:4-9

Reading- Deuteronomy 6

I am still looking at the possibility of beginning a facebook study group, if that is something you would be interested in please leave a comment below! Also find me on instagram #familynfaith Leave me a comment letting me know your a blog follower!

God Bless!

This mom is Batman

Why is it that children have to test your every nerve? They want to toe that line with seeing how far they can push before mommy loses it completely and brings out the Batman voice? You know the voice, the one where it drops several octaves and your children finally pay attention. It’s also the voice you want to bring out when people tell you they always wanted twins, it must be so much fun. Coming from a mom of twin boys, as much as I love my children, I would describe it as being a walk in the park….Jurassic Park.

My daughter is now at the age where she is in between. Intellectually she is about two years above her fellow classmates, which leaves her relating to kids older than she is. She’s in that in between of no longer being a little girl but not quite at that pre-teen phase. Which also leads to her being frustrated and often throwing attitude around. We seem to butt heads more often than get along here lately, which leaves me dreading the teen years. I’m trying to not smother her and try to fix things because ultimately finding herself in this new phase of life is up to her and her alone. I will be here to guide her, and pray she continues to grow in her faith and stay the kind, responsible girl she has always been, but I also remember how cruel kids can be. Especially in the upper grade school/ middle school ages.

I often struggle with that balance of am I being too hard on them or am I not being hard enough. You want your child to grow up with manners, well behaved and responsible. We are no longer in the world that it’s safe to send your kids outside to play. Which also means while I’m attempting to clean I have fighting children running around me asking for a snack every few minutes. I have a stack of books on parenting as a Christian, and  I’m slowly making my way through the stack. Maybe with my two week break from work over the holidays I’ll sit down and make a list of the books I want to get read and begin checking them off the list. Work hasn’t left much room for reading anything other than things for work or research so I think it’s time to start making time for pleasure reading again, maybe I wouldn’t be so stressed and become Batman so much then…..

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God Bless!

Surround yourself

I sat here staring at this screen for far too long today, trying to decide what direction I was going to go in.  Same thing happens when I try to write a prayer for my family today. I know the general direction I want to go with it, but the actual journey just isn’t happening for me at the moment. I could take the easy way and just say forget it and walk away for the day. How how easy that would be, I could just go read a book or watch some tv. But I’m also leaving a crack open so Satan himself can slip in and much like this fly that keeps bouncing off my face, he is relentless and is waiting for that moment. Instead I reached out to someone, she’s also my accountability person. Did I do my daily writing, did I finish the daily bible reading (we are doing a 52 week plan to read the bible, so you don’t want to fall behind).
It’s important to surround yourself with people who support your journey with Christ. Who will battle with you when you need it and you will go to battle for. When my office moved downstairs much of my “War Room” didn’t make the journey. Leaving a desk upstairs in the corner that became a catch all. Yesterday, I decided it was time to take my War Room, or corner in my case, back. It’s time to fill my desk and wall back up with my battle plan.  I encourage everyone to do this, even if you don’t have an entire room to set aside for this. Find a area that you can comfortably sit and spend time with God, clear out any distractions. Turn off the tv, your phone, social media. Focus and meditate on what God is trying to tell you. If you need help getting started or you need a little help during your journey, call out to that accountability partner. We should all be supporting and helping each other. If you don’t have someone you can reach out to please feel free to contact me at familynfaithblog@gmail.com anytime. I’m always happy to help.

God Bless

Taming the Beast

Now that Spring break vacation is over we are back to having children that are bored. I try to encourage my children to entertain themselves. Our youngest boys are four and will be entering school in August. I feel like by this age I shouldn’t have to entertain them all day long. We have our time together but mommy also has to work full time from home and clean the house. I can’t do that if I’m entertaining three children all day. During the summer they can always play outside (we have a privacy fence). They go out with chalk and bubbles, play on the swing set, or just run around. Since it’s chilly though they are of course bored and don’t want to go play in their room. It looks like on top of my list to do today I will be looking up indoor entertainment on Pinterest. Before my house ends up in shambles I best go see whats going on though. Happy Spring to everyone though, hope you are getting warmer weather!

Count back from ten….

Have you ever had those days when you wake up and everything irritates you beyond comprehension? You can look at your foot and instantly you just hate your foot? This is one of those mornings for me. I’m tired, I’m crabby, and everything is just irritating.  When you get to that point of being so overwhelmed you want to scream though, you just want to snap. As much as I really need some me time to blow off some steam, I know this won’t be happening. I love my family, I do. But I am around them 24/7 , caring for them around the clock. Grocery shopping alone should not feel like a trip to the Bahamas, and getting to go to the Post office alone shouldn’t be considered a vacation. But it is…because I don’t even get to use the bathroom alone.  I think every mom gets to this point at times. It’s normal, doesn’t make it easier though.

Truthfully, I’m not sure how I will deal with it today. A movie and wine at midnight when all the kids have finally fallen asleep, I’ve picked up the living room and finally get to sit down just doesn’t seem too appealing tonight. So my question for you all….how do you relax? What’s your go to that keeps you sane?

I guess until I figure it out though, I will go back to ending arguments and finishing my coffee.

Did you pray?

Have you ever had that moment when you want to look at your children and ask why they are so set on driving you insane? This was my morning. Imagine if you will, I’m in the middle of a crowded grocery store, my three young children in tow. One is riding in the cart perfectly content, another crying because I won’t let them walk around the store, and the third screaming I hate you, you’re so mean, and give me that toy. In these moments you start off with patience, but the louder they get and longer it last that last nerve gets very close to unraveling. I will be honest, I was attempted to just grab all three of them and walk out of the store. But then I’d feel super guilty for leaving a cart full of groceries for some poor associate to put back on the shelves. Recently a new set of rules have been placed in our home, where respecting others is high on that list. So, where I would cave before just to quiet my children and get through the shopping trip I instead put my foot down. No they would not be rewarded for being disrespectful, and they are going to have to learn to behave during shopping. A very kind older woman approached me and told me, don’t worry mama you will get through this. Those words helped me get through the rest of that trip, I realized that someday, maybe not soon, my children will appreciate that their father and I took the time to set rules. If we want our children to grow up with strong values and good manners then we have to make sure to be on the same page. A few months ago if you would have asked what our basic ground rules are I would be willing to bet that my husband and I would have said different things. We realized that we truly need to communicate better. We need to sit down weekly and discuss important things about our family, see where we can improve and we have noticed that the more we work on our marriage, the happier our children are. We actively make sure to carve out time for each other, for our children, and time with God. The improvements in not only our marriage but our family too has been astonishing. I was watching Joyce Meyers today, and she talks about the assignment that God has for all of us. How we need to pray for guidance and actually listening to know what our assignment is. I have always felt the strong desire to be a stay at home mom, but I have also felt like there was something more I could do while staying home with my children. It wasn’t until a few weeks ago that the overwhelming urge to share God’s word really started to hit me. The problem was, I really didn’t know where to begin. I will admit, I was a back-slider. It had been awhile since I cracked open my bible, and months since I had been in church. So I dusted off the bible, found a good scripture journaling plan and went from there. I began spending more time with God everyday, working on praying for guidance and strength for whatever he wanted me to do. Since then he has become number 1 in our home. We pray at every meal, we are working with our children on learning scripture, reading the bible and learning the Lord’s prayer. I have set my goal for next year to become more like miss Clara (if you don’t know who I mean, purchase War Room, you will love her), I want to not only know God but I want to live a Kingdom Life, raise Kingdom children and inspire others to find Christ or grow closer to him. I made a big mistake this morning before leaving my home, and it’s one I hope to never forget again. I will be placing a reminder on my dash or radio….PRAY. I should have never went on the journey without praying first. Praying that God guide me on the journey, that he be with my children and that he would kind me to show my children his way. So while I’m thinking of making this note, I’m going to do it. I also encourage you to do this. Place a note reminding you to pray in the areas you frequent often, for me that would be my coffee pot (I do have 3 young children after all). Keep a notepad or dry erase board in a central location so you and your family can write down things they need to pray for that day. At supper or before bed you can all come together and pray for these, it’s a great way to involve the entire family. So I will leave you with this.

The Lords Prayer
Our Father which art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come.
Thy will be done in earth,
As it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver is from evil:
For thine is the kingdom,
And the power, and the glory, forever.
Amen

Matthew 6:9-13

God Bless