I failed my child

I’ve debated on whether or not I was going to share this, but at the same time I want to be honest and open with everyone. Then I came to the realization that there are others in my shoes as well, maybe I can learn from you. My daughter, age 8, was diagnosed with depression and anxiety yesterday. After exhausting every option I could think of over the last year, I decided to turn to our doctor for help and guidance. I myself have battled this over half of my life, likely longer but it wasn’t until I was in middle school I actually got help for this. I feel like I failed her, is there more I could have done? Did I not do something, am I not doing enough? Should I have gotten her help sooner?

She is a beautiful, intelligent, kind little girl with big dreams of Harvard someday. She isn’t one to ever be unkind to others, yet finds it hard to find friends. We try to reassure her that having one best friend is better than ten fake friends, but it still deeply hurts her when someone doesn’t want to be her friend or she feels like they don’t want to be. I’m just not sure how to help her or be there for her. If anyone has any suggestions or is in a similar situation please feel free to reach out to me, if you prefer to do it privately you an email me at familynfaithblog@gmail.com

Thanks for being my ear to listen today, God Bless!

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A New Direction

Here recently I felt the need to dig into what it truly means to be a biblical wife/mother. Everyday I’ve found new scripture, books, studies, ect. You name it I’ve come across it lately. One verse has really stuck out to me and felt like it was leading me in a new direction. These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children.- (Titus 2:4)  I do feel like we need to share experiences and help guide each other. Our culture today has turned being a submissive biblical wife into something it is not. So I have felt the need to share my journey into becoming a more biblical wife and mother. If I can help even one other woman feel more confident as a wife and mother then it is all worth it. So make sure you follow me so you can see my new post, and feel free to comment, ask questions, let me know how I can help you, anything.   So for today I will cut this short and begin planning a few more post.

God Bless and I’m so happy you’ve chosen to go on this journey with me!

New Seasons

This morning I’m sitting here with my coffee running over everything that needs to be done today. I have a full work load currently, plus volunteering at the school, and I have a long list of things that need to be done around the house. I would usually stress and end up with a migraine leading me to even more stress because I can’t get anything done. Thanks to colder weather moving in I’m also moving much slower because my illness and cold do not get along. Instead I’m doing what I can, while trying not to overdo it and leave myself unable to move. I’ve come to the point that my housework will always be there so there is no need to rush. With my work things can honestly go so fast anyways, I can’t speed it up any. So, I do what I can in the morning and if I can add to it a few hours later I do, if not I finish what I need to around the house. I think one thing that most of us can agree upon is that at different times in our lives we have sent up that prayer asking for guidance. What am I to do in this new season of life? Do I stay at this job?  Am I being a good Wife? Am I being a good parent? Am I on the track you have for me?

The new season in life my husband and I recently entered led me to ask these same questions.  It also led me to begin more concentrated studies over being a biblical woman and wife. I’m working on trying to turn those into a series of post. Then my plan is to dig deeper into raising children in society today. Neither of these tasks are ones that should be rushed through, I’m going through the bible, finding different bible studies and books on these. I will likely share bits and pieces along the way and post about topics when I’m led to post.  I strongly feel that you need to surround yourself with good mentors. Whether you are single, married, or have kids are you surrounding with others that show that good biblical character? Those people that you can just tell they walk with Christ? Lately I’ve done a lot of evaluating on myself, asking myself those same questions. It’s never fun to consider areas that you need to improve, and you will never be perfect, that’s just a fact. You can however ask for guidance, pray on it. Be open and communicate that you need help in these areas. Lean on your mentors, I’m sure they would be happy to speak with you and guide you. I know several ladies come to mind when I think of really good mentors, these ladies would also be there to speak with any time and help me grow spiritually. I know one area I need to work on is submission (I will dive into this topic at a different time), and boy is that a challenge for me. I’m a very stubborn person and one that naturally likes to take control. Now that our children are all in school, I work from home so I do have some flexibility in my schedule. After the kids are dropped off, I usually work first, begin cleaning, then sit down and have my study time. I journal a daily scripture plan every day, read the bible (my goal is the entire bible in 90 days), my daily devotionals, catch up for Sunday school in I need to, and read some of my current lifestyle book. Right now, I’m reading The Resolutions for Women, which I encourage all women to read, there is a men’s book also. I’m not saying you must spend hours every day studying the word, but make sure you set aside some time to spend with Christ. You will be amazed at the difference it will make in your life.

Before I close I want to leave you with this. Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the lord is to be praised.- Proverbs 31:30

God Bless

Love is….messy

Honestly when I sat down to write tonight I wasn’t sure what I was going to write about. So I did what I often do when I’m at a crossroads. I pull out my devotionals and unwind first. Usually, inspiration then strikes. Just like it has tonight. Growing up we often dream of our future. You know, that one where you have the perfect house, perfect job, perfect family. It isn’t until you are much older and wiser that you realize that those perfect things you wanted, they take a lot of work. That perfect relationship started out like a fairy tale. Throw in a stressful career, a few kids, medical problems, and the day to day stresses…. You then end up wondering where that fairy tale went. It’s nothing like you dreamed about, frankly it’s much more chaotic and stressful.
After a while it takes a toll on the relationship. You begin wondering where things changed. Sometimes you need to take time to recharge and rekindle things. You need to be open and honest about your feelings, and an effort has to be made to bring back that fairy tale. The truth is, love is work. It’s messy and frustrating sometimes, but it’s also a beautiful thing. In two days I celebrate 8 years of marriage (10 years together) with an amazing man. A man that works hard every single day to make sure our family has everything we need. Things aren’t always rainbows and butterflies, honestly at times it’s been tough. But I’ve also realized that I wouldn’t want to go through life without him. Recently my brother told me that he looks at my marriage and hopes to be as lucky as I am, his goal is to have a love like I do. That meant a lot to me. We came from a broken home, and unfortunately I went through parents divorcing more than once. So for me to be that role model for my brother was an honor. It also reminded me how much your parents relationship changes your views on relationships. I want my children to see firsthand what love is. I have been very blessed with my husband. He’s been there through my medical issues, gotten me through some tough family issues, and was by my side as we watched our twins struggle because they were born 9 weeks early. So before I close I want to tell my husband: I love you and thank you for sticking by my side even through the darkest of days.

Sink or Swim

Eventually everyone has a sink or swim moment in their life. That point that they feel like they can only be sucked under so many times before they drown. Last week was that time for me, not the first time but one of those times. It’s been a rough few months and I am someone that needs to be physically comforted. I need that hug to feel like I will be okay. My primary focus is my family, that is my job. I make sure they have food to eat, clean clothes to wear and a somewhat organized home. How organized can you really be with two four year olds though? I do my best 24/7 to be there for them, support them and comfort them when needed. Yet it feels like I fight my battles completely alone. Now I realize this isn’t true, I’m not truly ever alone. I always turn to my faith and pray, and eventually I do get through it. Sometimes though, a hug saying I care would be nice. Some days you just really need someone to talk to and some days you just need time alone. I would love to be able to go get my nails done or even shop for new bedding by myself. Where I can actually concentrate on what I’m doing there and not break up arguing and calm down a tantrum. Can I just be me for a minute? Not mom, maid, cook, referee, chauffeur and frankly exhausted…..
I realize the chance of that actually happening is pretty much zero, so instead I will sit here with my coffee and day dream about a few months from now when all three of my children will be in school and I can actually clean house and work without chaos. Honestly it sounds as good as a beach and a cocktail right now.

Count back from ten….

Have you ever had those days when you wake up and everything irritates you beyond comprehension? You can look at your foot and instantly you just hate your foot? This is one of those mornings for me. I’m tired, I’m crabby, and everything is just irritating.  When you get to that point of being so overwhelmed you want to scream though, you just want to snap. As much as I really need some me time to blow off some steam, I know this won’t be happening. I love my family, I do. But I am around them 24/7 , caring for them around the clock. Grocery shopping alone should not feel like a trip to the Bahamas, and getting to go to the Post office alone shouldn’t be considered a vacation. But it is…because I don’t even get to use the bathroom alone.  I think every mom gets to this point at times. It’s normal, doesn’t make it easier though.

Truthfully, I’m not sure how I will deal with it today. A movie and wine at midnight when all the kids have finally fallen asleep, I’ve picked up the living room and finally get to sit down just doesn’t seem too appealing tonight. So my question for you all….how do you relax? What’s your go to that keeps you sane?

I guess until I figure it out though, I will go back to ending arguments and finishing my coffee.

Y’all Need Jesus

No really….people need a little less football and a lot more Jesus. Today I cannot believe the behavior I have seen. I get it I’m a fan of one of the most hated teams in the NFL. We are frequently the butt of the jokes. Usually pretty harmless. Tonight however I was just utterly disgusted with the behavior. Instinct makes you want to stand up and fight for yourself, however what does that truly accomplish? They obviously are very set in their opinion, and when they are not only cursing at you but also saying horrible….and I mean horrible things to you, arguing isn’t going to magically get them to change their mind. Instead, I walked away and opened my bible. I did my devotions, and then felt compelled to write something tonight.
The problem with this behavior, is that not only are you disrespecting others, your teaching your children this is okay. Are you a role model you can be proud of, or that God would be proud of? Would you without shame say these things in front of Christ himself? Now, while I cannot change others behaviors, I can however pray for them. I can pray that they pick up the bible and read (or re-read) Deuteronomy 6 and Ephesians. I can pray that they become Godly role models for their children and grow closer to Christ. I will also pray that my children do not pick up this behavior, and that I can stand firm in my faith and not react harshly to these situations. Hopefully God blesses them and they realize there is different ways to state their point.
But tonight, I am going to crawl back under my blanket (ice storm here) and grab a book. So I will say God Bless you all, and stay safe.

Ready For Battle

What is your battle plan? Do you just roll over and get stressed out hoping for the best? For many years, this was my go to. It wasn’t until I turned my life back to Christ that I started praying and having faith that he will see me through it. But even then I just kind of prayed the same ol’ God please help me. Through the power of Christ you can do great things, you just need to know him. Not just know of him, truly know him. How much time do you devote everyday to getting closer to Christ?
Since I have devoted the time everyday to reading his word, really praying, and building my relationship with Christ, things have shifted in not only me but my home was well. I began hanging scripture and prayer reminders up so I can see them frequently. I even have prayers for different areas of my life taped in my car, written in my planner, and taped to the bathroom mirror. I also purchased FerVent and The Battle Plan For Prayer, both of these I hope to be writting a review on soon. I have atleast a dozen new books I’ve recently ordered, most are christian lifestyle, and I am trying hard not to dive into all of them at once. So I do promise more reviews here soon, since I have taken on a few other things with the Blog I haven’t been reading as much. But since my wonderful husband upgraded my Laptop and I now have the programming needed to do everything for the page I can work faster and more effecient. (Thank you Baby) I quickly found that the more I worked on my relationship with Christ, the more the Holy Spirit became present in my life. We seek Christ as a family now, because it is our job as parents to be the main spiritual leaders for our children. I urge you to seek the Lord, and if you would like recommendations for wonderful Christian Living reads I am happy to help.

God Bless

Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. -James 1:22

Did you pray?

Have you ever had that moment when you want to look at your children and ask why they are so set on driving you insane? This was my morning. Imagine if you will, I’m in the middle of a crowded grocery store, my three young children in tow. One is riding in the cart perfectly content, another crying because I won’t let them walk around the store, and the third screaming I hate you, you’re so mean, and give me that toy. In these moments you start off with patience, but the louder they get and longer it last that last nerve gets very close to unraveling. I will be honest, I was attempted to just grab all three of them and walk out of the store. But then I’d feel super guilty for leaving a cart full of groceries for some poor associate to put back on the shelves. Recently a new set of rules have been placed in our home, where respecting others is high on that list. So, where I would cave before just to quiet my children and get through the shopping trip I instead put my foot down. No they would not be rewarded for being disrespectful, and they are going to have to learn to behave during shopping. A very kind older woman approached me and told me, don’t worry mama you will get through this. Those words helped me get through the rest of that trip, I realized that someday, maybe not soon, my children will appreciate that their father and I took the time to set rules. If we want our children to grow up with strong values and good manners then we have to make sure to be on the same page. A few months ago if you would have asked what our basic ground rules are I would be willing to bet that my husband and I would have said different things. We realized that we truly need to communicate better. We need to sit down weekly and discuss important things about our family, see where we can improve and we have noticed that the more we work on our marriage, the happier our children are. We actively make sure to carve out time for each other, for our children, and time with God. The improvements in not only our marriage but our family too has been astonishing. I was watching Joyce Meyers today, and she talks about the assignment that God has for all of us. How we need to pray for guidance and actually listening to know what our assignment is. I have always felt the strong desire to be a stay at home mom, but I have also felt like there was something more I could do while staying home with my children. It wasn’t until a few weeks ago that the overwhelming urge to share God’s word really started to hit me. The problem was, I really didn’t know where to begin. I will admit, I was a back-slider. It had been awhile since I cracked open my bible, and months since I had been in church. So I dusted off the bible, found a good scripture journaling plan and went from there. I began spending more time with God everyday, working on praying for guidance and strength for whatever he wanted me to do. Since then he has become number 1 in our home. We pray at every meal, we are working with our children on learning scripture, reading the bible and learning the Lord’s prayer. I have set my goal for next year to become more like miss Clara (if you don’t know who I mean, purchase War Room, you will love her), I want to not only know God but I want to live a Kingdom Life, raise Kingdom children and inspire others to find Christ or grow closer to him. I made a big mistake this morning before leaving my home, and it’s one I hope to never forget again. I will be placing a reminder on my dash or radio….PRAY. I should have never went on the journey without praying first. Praying that God guide me on the journey, that he be with my children and that he would kind me to show my children his way. So while I’m thinking of making this note, I’m going to do it. I also encourage you to do this. Place a note reminding you to pray in the areas you frequent often, for me that would be my coffee pot (I do have 3 young children after all). Keep a notepad or dry erase board in a central location so you and your family can write down things they need to pray for that day. At supper or before bed you can all come together and pray for these, it’s a great way to involve the entire family. So I will leave you with this.

The Lords Prayer
Our Father which art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come.
Thy will be done in earth,
As it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver is from evil:
For thine is the kingdom,
And the power, and the glory, forever.
Amen

Matthew 6:9-13

God Bless

Perfecting Chaos

As I sat down tonight going through my list that I have taped all over the place of things I need to get done I began thinking, how in the world do I get anything accomplished? I’m a faithful list maker, I make a list for everything. Ever morning I write down the things I want to accomplish that day, things that need cleaned, bills that need paid, ect. The problem is I am also a faithful list loser. I tend to lose them fairly quickly and things end up getting forgotten about until the day is over and I’m too exhausted to accomplish them. So tonight I realized that my email calendar syncs with my phone calendar, so why not use something I already have literally in my hands. I began marking the things I do daily first, such as my daily devotionals and bible reading. Then began with my once a week things like bible study and book club, and then filled in my more sporadic things. Like books I am reviewing and the timeline I have, or the research I need to do for upcoming studies or post. I am someone who tends to pile on more than I probably should and without some organization I will become anxious and overwhelmed, and chances are this will spill over and effect my family. This is the last thing I want to happen. I am slowly learning sometimes I just have to say no, I often get roped into doing things for others. When I decided to start my blog and put in the many hours to build something much bigger than myself so that I can stay home even after my children all go to school, I also took away a portion of time I once spent fully focused on my family. So the time I do have, I prefer to cherish with my husband and my kids. I feel horrible saying no, but I have learned that sometimes, you just really need to learn to prioritize and say no. Don’t run your self ragged and lose out on the important things in life. Aside from the things you already see on my here, Twitter or Facebook, I have also started working on Prayer Shawls. I am currently working on a children’s crocheted version, after it is completed I will be working on an adult one as well. I was gifted one many years ago and when I read, pray and even sitting here working, I like to have it draped over my shoulders to keep me warm. This is something I would like to offer to others. Of course this takes time, and it seems like as soon as you sit down there is an alarm that sounds telling your children it’s time to run all over helping them out. So while I am anxious to have these available I am taking my time, and making sure I spend time with my family. Because in the end, family is what is really important. So we have to find a way to tame the chaos, get things done that need to be done and then give our full focus to our families. So use your phones calendar, buy a wall calender, a planner, or if you can actually remember where you put them, make a list.
So starting tomorrow, I will be doing what’s on my calendar, and only what is on my calender. If something else comes up, it will have to be penciled in somewhere else because I will become sidetracked and my whole day will end up chaotic, too short, and overstressed. Here’s to hopefully ringing in the new year a little more organized, and let’s pray that a new product launch of handmade prayer shawls can happen here soon.

“Neglect the whole world before you neglect eachother.”-Ann Landers

*God Bless